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Peace and Love,
Naz

Cyclical

cyclical  

Web definitions cyclic: recurring in cycles. As we are getting older - as my 32 birthday approaches in only a couple of months - I sit back and think of how cyclical our lives are.  Yesterday, I spent the evening with my parents.  Elijah, Avin and I had dinner in their home for iftari (#Ramadan). It was so nice to be back home. My parents home will always be my home. And I realize how fortunate I am to be able to say that.  My relationship with my parents is better than it ever has been.  We have grown so incredibly close in the years I feel like I need them the most, once becoming a parent myself.  It never ceases to amaze me the thought of how in our youth we did everything possible to run from our parents - whether that meant every opportunity to spend time away with friends, or chasing after some boy we had a crush on - young people are always in a rush to get away from their parents. I guess that's just life.   You get to an age where you want to branch out, break the chains, spread your wings... and fly.  I am thankful, that even though I come from a religious household, with a strong Indian-Muslim cultural background, which comes with many expectations and a huge level of respect, I was born to parents who allowed me to spread my wings and fly.  And now that I am on my own - with a family of my own - with a son of my own ... I find peace and solace the most when in the home of my parents. Their simple presence, their gentle touches, the way they are so attentive - you can tell they miss us (their children) and subsequently, they miss their grandchildren. I couldn't help by caress my father's hair as he sat next to me on the couch - how old he was getting.  His hair thinning, but healthy, the beautiful shades of gray and silver soft in my fingertips.  Both my parents are slowly creeping to 70 - and I almost just can't believe it.  Where have the years gone?  I remember being only seven years old - following my mother, who was only in her late 30s, as we shopped from store to store.  Where did the years go? I remember eagerly joining my boo (my Abba [dad] is my one and only boo. You'll hear me calling him that often) as he played tennis and made his way around the tracks at the local college, jogging along.  It all went so fast. I wonder how they must feel.  Once upon a time, my brothers and I were born in an island in the South Pacific. Born to two parents who struggled and overcame so many hardships being raised in a third-world country. Parents who overcame the odds and got their college educations abroad, came back to their home, married and shortly after migrated to a whole new world - where they started from the bottom and had to rebuild everything they lost as immigrants to a foreign land.  They must sit back and think, where have the years gone? And I look at them now and can't believe that one day they will be gone. That's as much of that I can think or speak about... the mere thought, for even a split second, brings tears to my eyes.  And I know that when the day comes, hopefully a very long time from now, I will be a mess. My father, who so sweetly told me last night, that he needed all of Elijah's personal information as he's starting college funds for all his grandchildren.  The same man who showers us (his children) with love through sweet gestures and actions.  My mother, who whispers prayers in my ears as I lay on her lap and close my eyes as she gently caresses my hair. She knows that's my favorite thing.   This is where I find peace and solace. No amount of working out, yoga, or anything else can relieve my stress the way being in the arms of my parents does.   I'm a lucky girl. I count my blessings everyday. And each day, I ask Allah Paak to give my parents a long, healthy and happy life. Without them, I am nothing. This reminds me of my boo <3

We are not Trayvon Martin

So beautifully written by people across the country trying to understand how this could happen.  I can imagine how painful this must be for White people also - people who do not want to be lumped into the discussions of racism alongside racists.

You are heard. You are seen.

Read the many stories here.

But this specific one touched my heart the most: 

"I am not Trayvon Martin. I am a white 34 year old mother of two. And I cannot comprehend the grief that Trayvon’s mother and father will carry with them for the rest of their lives, all because their child was assumed to have weapons on him and be a threat simply because of the color of his skin.

I read to my children last night before bed, as we do every night. Last night, I read to them President Obama’s children’s book, “A Letter to My Daughters". It is a beautiful message of diversity and celebration of the America that we all so desperately WANT to live in. It is a message about celebrating our differences and teaching each other. It is a hope. It is, sadly, not reality.

What happened to Trayvon Martin is the reality of this country. The miscarriage of justice that happened over the weekend is the reality of this country. It is a country where black people are still second class citizens. Where they may not be confined to a separate drinking fountain or movie theater, but where their lives are worth less than mine. Just because I am white and they are not.

Trayvon Martin was a typical teenager. Who among us didn’t smoke pot, or act bigger than we were, or brag to members of the opposite sex to impress them? And what teenager wouldn’t be terrified of an angry adult man with a gun? Who among us wouldn’t have defended themselves, whatever way we could? Nothing - NOTHING - Trayvon did that night should be up for debate. Nothing.

The truth if this whole tragedy is that Trayvon Martin was a typical teenager who wouldn’t have been looked at twice by George Zimmerman if he had been white. But instead, because he was black, and for NO OTHER REASON, he was stalked, assaulted, and killed. And then his MURDERER was set free on a plea of self defense. Self defense! If anyone was defending themselves, it was the unarmed 17 year old child who was fighting for his life. But he was black, and George Zimmerman is not. And so Trayvon’s life is worth less.

This is the reality of our country.

Not to me. Trayvon was someone’s child. He was still a child. He was loved. He will not be forgotten.

I’m sorry Trayvon. As a mother, I would like nothing more than to wrap my arms around you and tell you you are safe, and that I will not let someone hurt you, and that I am so sorry this happened to you. I would tell you that your are loved, that you are important, and that you would have grown up to be someone amazing.

I am not Trayvon Martin. But I will never, ever forget what happened to him. And I will teach my children not to judge people for the color of their skin, or their religion, or their sexual orientation, or anything else but the content of their character. I will carry Trayvon in my heart, and I will remember him."

So eloquently written. I'm speechless. Thanks Megan, for sharing... and thank you for being a part of the change so desperately needed in this country!
I read to my children last night before bed, as we do every night. Last night, I read to them President Obama’s children’s book, “A Letter to My Daughters". It is a beautiful message of diversity and celebration of the America that we all so desperately WANT to live in. It is a message about celebrating our differences and teaching each other. It is a hope. It is, sadly, not reality.
What happened to Trayvon Martin is the reality of this country. The miscarriage of justice that happened over the weekend is the reality of this country. It is a country where black people are still second class citizens. Where they may not be confined to a separate drinking fountain or movie theater, but where their lives are worth less than mine. Just because I am white and they are not.
Trayvon Martin was a typical teenager. Who among us didn’t smoke pot, or act bigger than we were, or brag to members of the opposite sex to impress them? And what teenager wouldn’t be terrified of an angry adult man with a gun? Who among us wouldn’t have defended themselves, whatever way we could? Nothing - NOTHING - Trayvon did that night should be up for debate. Nothing.
The truth if this whole tragedy is that Trayvon Martin was a typical teenager who wouldn’t have been looked at twice by George Zimmerman if he had been white. But instead, because he was black, and for NO OTHER REASON, he was stalked, assaulted, and killed. And then his MURDERER was set free on a plea of self defense. Self defense! If anyone was defending themselves, it was the unarmed 17 year old child who was fighting for his life. But he was black, and George Zimmerman is not. And so Trayvon’s life is worth less.
This is the reality of our country.
Not to me. Trayvon was someone’s child. He was still a child. He was loved. He will not be forgotten.
I’m sorry Trayvon. As a mother, I would like nothing more than to wrap my arms around you and tell you you are safe, and that I will not let someone hurt you, and that I am so sorry this happened to you. I would tell you that your are loved, that you are important, and that you would have grown up to be someone amazing.
I am not Trayvon Martin. But I will never, ever forget what happened to him. And I will teach my children not to judge people for the color of their skin, or their religion, or their sexual orientation, or anything else but the content of their character. I will carry Trayvon in my heart, and I will remember him."

So eloquently written. I'm speechless. 
Thanks Megan, for sharing... and thank you for being a part of the change so desperately needed in this country!

This is not a White or Black thing...

Yesterday, I was really angry, on top of being sad. 

I have a son. 
He isn't Black, but he is a minority. 
He is also half Muslim. 

He is a feisty, fun-loving, stubborn little boy. And I want to give him the world. I want to teach him all that I can. Which I realize will include teaching him about the country and world we live in. A country and world that we love dearly, but that encompasses an evil hateful side full of ignorance, where racism is still very much alive, to this day. A country and world that will tell him he isn’t good enough, that he doesn’t belong, that he if dresses like a ‘thug’ he can be shot and killed and the murderer will get away with it. A country where he will, without a doubt, be told “go back home” although he is a first generation California born American citizen. This is the country we live in. Where systematic racism is still very much alive. I know I will have to have an open and honest dialogue about this country and world with him. And while parents with White children should do the same, the conversation will be very different. Yesterday, a White male ‘friend’ said to me “I used to get harassed by the police also – probably because I dressed like a thug, probably because I have a lot of Black friends. I know what it feels like…”

While I believe he has struggled, while I believe White people face hardships, what he didn’t hear me say was…

You can change your clothes. You can take off your "thuggish" hoodies, put on a polo shirt, khakis and tie a sweater around your neck and the way you are treated will significantly change.

I can’t change my skin.

Neither can my son.
Neither could Trayvon Martin.

Many people may not know that my views on race and racism are based on my educational background and my understanding that issues of race are systematic and as my friend Marie stated “live in even the most benign comments and statements.”

And as my beautiful son gets older, I will have to explain this to him. I will have to explain to him that he IS good enough. That he DOES belong and that no matter how he chooses to dress, he is a human being and deserves to be treated as such. And to never settle for anything less.

This will be one of my greatest feats in life.

I love you son. More than you will ever know.

10 Things They Don't Tell You About Pregnancy & Giving Birth

There's been a funny 'meme' floating around Instagram, Pinterest and Facebook recently and chances are, you've seen it:

Um, yeah right, is right. 

Too bad you won't look like a super model after giving birth.  Too bad your makeup will not be perfect, too bad you'll probably stink, have bad breath, be covered in some sort of excretion - possibly not even of your own.  Yup, that's it folks... there's a laundry list of things 'they' don't tell you about pregnancy and giving birth.  Kinda mirrors my post moments ago, 10 Things You Dont Know About Kids Until You One.  

Amy Morrison in her blog, Pregnant Chicken, does a great job listing the many things you aren't commonly told about pregnancy and giving birth.  I think the tides are turning a bit on this and I've found that I've been able to comfortably tell my friends who haven't given birth yet, the truth behind it.  Although, it's always a little bit uncomfortable still to tell them about pushing about your placenta and having to endure more birthing after your baby already makes his exit. I've listed Amy's list below, verbatum. Enjoy! 

Happily After Giving Birth – 10 Things They Don't Tell You

1. You will have a really heavy period. No matter how you give birth (c-section or va-j-j) you will have postpartum bleeding. This delightful discharge is called lochia and it sounds about as appealing as it is. It lasts as little as two to three weeks or as long as six weeks after birth. The best part is you're given giant, thunderpads in the hospital because you can't use tampons during this time (it can introduce bacteria into your healing uterus) so you have the added pleasure of feeling like a 15-year old girl from 1974. 

2. Your crotch might be a mess. You may be dealing with a swollen, stitched up mighty mess that even Stephen King couldn't dream up. There are a variety of elixirs and contraptions to help ease the horror including sits baths, frozen bags of peas and a little water bottle that you squirt on yourself while you pee. In my experience I've found that it's best not to look – it was actually worse than I thought it would be. Dear God so bad.

3. You're still fat. You will need clothes after you've had this kid because you'll be sort of second trimester doughy for a while. This is yet another reason I hate those damn model asshats that are wafer thin 10 minutes after they've given birth because it isn't realistic. Everything is very different when you've had your tummy tuck during your elective c-section and you can hand your baby off to a nanny and have a personal trainer up in your face everyday. Pilates and brown rice my ass. Stupid starlets. Except Heidi Klum. I love Heidi Klum and that bitch earned her wings 

4.You might cry. A. LOT. Some women get off
really easy with this one and don't ride the hormonal roller coaster after they've had a baby and to them I say "lucky, lucky whore". It doesn't help that it can run the gamut from absolutely nothing to full blown post partum depression so not everyone is sympathetic if you have the Niagara Falls boo hoos if they didn't. The other tricky thing is that you might not recognize how bad it was until you're out of it. It's best to have people that actually know you keep an eye on this one. If they tell you that you're losing it, you probably are so listen to them and go see your doctor. Nobody wins if you're miserable.

5. Your hair might fall out. I know. Don't you feel pretty now? So here you are all post partum and doughy and to add insult to injury you might start losing some of your hair. Here you were all excited about your luscious locks while you were pregnant, well, sorry Cinderella but the party is over and the hair fairy wants her glass slippers back. This is one of those wonderful hormone side effects that can come with giving birth. At least there will be less to worry about when pulling your hair up into your new-mom crack-ponytail.

6. Breastfeeding might be difficult. If you choose to breastfeed your baby, be prepared for a little bit of work. Not everybody has a smooth ride (me included) and it can be anything the soft, bonding vignettes they plaster all over "Breast is Best" pamphlets. The good news is once you're over the hump it's pretty maintenance free and you can never forget your baby's lunch on the counter. If you have an easy time of it, awesome! Don't brag though, you're liable to be beaten to death with Bugaboo strollers by hormonal mothers in the park.  

7. You might hate your husband. I have two theories of nature. One, babies look like their fathers when they are born so the father is reassured that the baby is his and won't take off. Two, nature takes care of you not conceiving right after giving birth by making you want to punch in his face every time you see him. Again, it's probably hormone related. Again, this isn't always the case but I'm just warning you that you might stare at his peaceful sleeping face at 2am and wonder what the hell the point of him is and how can that son of a bitch just lie there sleeping like while you try to get your baby to sleep for the umpteenth time. You're not alone and a jury full of mothers with newborns wouldn't convict you if you bludgeoned him to death with a breast pump. That said, he may be worth keeping around so take a deep breath and ignore the urge......for now.

8. You might be hot. No, not good hot. Gross, sweaty, fat man hot. Thank your hormones. Once again they may be to blame for giving you hot flashes and making feel like a high-noon whore. Nothing says sexy like a woman with 20lbs of extra baby weight, who's losing her hair and walking around like she just ran for a bus. I'm adding that to my theory of nature's birth control along with number 7. 

9. Hard boobs. You know those crazy porn boobs you see on some women that are just gigantic and don't move? No? Well, try skipping a feeding while you're nursing and you'll have a pretty good idea what that's like. It sounds cool but it isn't so don't add stripper heels to your registry....well, not for this reason anyway.

10. Pooing is scary. I saved the best for last, non? No matter what exit your baby used, your BM equipment is close by and you'll have to use it eventually. I think the phrase "tentative terror" best sums up this act and may I suggest picking out extra names because you're going to want to name your first poop after you take such tender care bringing into the world. Gross? Sorry. Fact? Yep.

Haven't I painted a pretty picture here? Aren't you looking forward to all the treats that come with motherhood? Well, thankfully, not all of them happen to everybody and you (and everyone around you) will be so focused on the new little person that you'll have little time or energy to worry about much else. And hey, who cares, you made a person. A whole person. It doesn't matter if you're a surly, bald, sweaty garden slug for a while, you just performed a miracle so unless you're booked to walk the runway in your underpants in two weeks, don't worry about it and tell anybody who says otherwise to eat shit. Hey, you can always blame it on your hormones.

And seriously, don't get scared. You may get off easy and get none of these things to any great degree, and if you're really, really lucky you'll have a birth like my friend, Megan. 

In the meantime, be sure to check out the Exit Care post. You know, just in case.

_________________________________________________________________________________

I'm glad Amy ended on a good note - because the truth of the matter is, pregnancy is not as pretty as it is made to be on TV, but realistically, we all know that. I mean, who the hell would want to see all of the above acted out on TV for our viewing pleasure - not too pleasurable if you ask me. 

As long as we know that, we'll be golden. And you'll be amazing - in your pregnancy, through labor & delivery and as a new parent! 

Lean on your friends, family and anyone you can for support - best advice I can give! We have so many amazing family members nearby to be there for us in split second, not to mention our close friends who are always willing to help - those with or without children of their own.  

<3

10 Things You Don't Know About Kids Until You Have Kids

Ever get annoyed when people tell you that you have no idea what having a child is like until you actually have one? You've raised many nieces and nephews, grown up around dozens of cousins younger than you, you've changed your share of diapers, you're no virgin to the department of babysitting... you know what's up, so of course it's annoying when someone tells you that you won't reallllllllllllllllllllllly know until you have a child yourself.  It's like Mackenzie said (more on who Mackenzie is, in a moment),

Sure I did. Who doesn't know that although kids are cute, they are also a lot of work? That's why you get a dog to practice before having a kid.  Like, duh. 

Couldn't have said it better myself. 

Mackenzie is a mom of three children and a wife.  She is also a freelance editor and has a great blog, Raising Wild Things, although I found Mackenzie's words of wisdom on another blog, Scary Mommy - A Parenting Community For Imperfect Parents.  

In her blog post, 10 Things You Don't Know About Kids Until You Have Kids, Mackenzie does what some of us parents have failed at - being brutally honest to our non-parent friends.  There have been a million times I wanted to tell someone something other than the obligatory "your life is going to change for the better," but it's almost too difficult.  And to be honest, it doesn't feel 'normal' to tell first time parents, or friends wanting to have children, that it's actually a lot scarier, dirtier, and harder than they will ever truly understand until they physically have children.  Many people don't take that well either.  Some take it as a jab, that they are incapable of knowing something purely because they haven't experienced it.  

The truth is, that's just the way it is.  

You won't truly know what it's like to be a parent, until you are one. You won't truly know all about kids until you have one - and even then, they are a mystery.  

Not that anyone asked, but if I were going to give advice to first-time parents, I wouldn’t just state the obvious about their life changing forever. That’s not helpful. Kids are a lot of work, yadda, yadda, yadda. Instead, I’d sit them down in comfy chairs, hand them a beer or glass of wine, and break it down for them all realistic-style. Ok, let’s get to it…

Mackenzie went on to list a very HONEST list of what she considers are the 10 Things You Don't Know About Kids Until You Have Kids.  Read the full post here. I've also listed her 10 points below... verbatum.

#1: Kids Are Gross

I think most people without kids understand this in theory–kids poop and pee and puke–but in practice . . . when you’re the parent, YOU are the one cleaning up all of this (literal) shit. And not just when dealing with diapers and potty training and the occasional tummy bug. Those are a given. But like when your kid decides to take a dump on the floor. At the mall. (Or, unfortunately for a friend of mine, in her hand, at the grocery store.) Or when your kid decides she’s big enough to pee alone in the stall at Target but forgets to take off her pants. Or when your kid works himself into such a tantrum that he barfs up everything he has managed to consume from what seems like the past 2 days.

These, my friends, will not be isolated incidents. Especially when your kids are little. These shenanigans will happen often, if not daily. If your kid has a proclivity for such behavior, you may even be dealing with this stuff a few different times a day. That adds up to a shit-ton of shit. And since you’re the one cleaning up all of this, you can bet your britches that some of this crap will end up on you too. If you’re lucky, you’ll get just a little on your hand. Although gross, easily fixed with some good hand hygiene. If you’re unlucky, well, let’s just say you better hope you realize where the smell that’s been following you all day is coming from before someone else does.

And while we’re on the topic of kids doing gross things, I’d like to put this fact out there: Kids eat their boogers. I think people like to think only other people’s kids do this, but that’s not true. Every kid will at some point in time eat boogers. You just want to hope it’s only their boogers they’re eating. Your kid may try it just once, or it may develop into a habit that lasts for a while. But it will happen. Same goes for ABC gum they find stuck to the underside of a movie theater seat, or a cold half-eaten fry they find on the floor of McDonald’s because, you know, they were still hungry. Dear god, I wish I were making this stuff up.

#2: Kids Are Dirty

I only had a vague notion about kids and dirt before having my own. I used to babysit a lot, so I knew about the messy face and hands after eating, and even about the crumbs they left all over the table and floor. What I did not know what that this dirt cannot be confined. It doesn’t matter how often you wipe them down after eating or how often you vacuum in the wake of a meal. You will find crumbs in bed (yours, theirs), crumbs in the carpet, crumbs in the cracks of the couch, crumbs in their cracks. You will ask yourself, “How in the world did crumbs get into the freaking tube of toothpaste?!” Like actually into the tube. Kids are just crafty like that.

The crumbs will even multiply and migrate out into your car. Their car seats (who am I kidding, your entire car) will forever be encrusted with ground-up goldfish bits, rogue Cheerios, and broken pretzel sticks. Don’t be too quick to clean out your car, though. This may prove useful on a long car trip when you’ve forgotten snacks. “Oh, sorry kids, just dig around in the cracks of your seat, I’m sure you’ll find something to tide you over.”

In addition to the crumbs you’ll find everywhere, EVERYTHING in your house, including the kids, will be sticky. Toys, books, DVD cases, toilet flusher thingies, faucets, door handles (especially the one on the refrigerator), TV remotes, cabinets, tabletops, counter tops, your cell phone, the cat. You’ll need to keep plenty of Windex on hand to wipe their fingerprints off the mirrors and the TV screen. You’ll also need a lot of towels to clean up all of the drinks they’ll spill. At. Every. Single. Meal. Oh, and find a good laundry detergent. Preferably one that can handle the different kinds of stains you’ll be trying to remove from your pants every time you sit in something new and find your ass stuck to the couch.

 #3: Kids Are Hoarders

Taking over the hearth, check.

You have kids, you’re gonna have toys. Everyone knows that. What I wasn’t prepared for as a parent was having my entire house practically turn into a toy store. A toy store that exploded. And then had all the toys copulate and give birth to newer and newer generations of toys. Much like the crumbs from the first post, this stuff can’t be contained. You’ll have toys everywhere. Kids’ room, check. Living room, check. Dining room, check. Your room, check. Kitchen, check. Bathroom, check. Stuffed in any drawer your kids can find because they’re good hiding places, check.

Even if you don’t buy your kids too many toys, you can bet your family and friends will. (And usually the kind that play loud, annoying music or can be used to make a lot of noise. But, that’s another topic completely. Love you family!) Not to mention all of the craptastic “toys” they’ll get from those kids meals you swore you’d never feed them. The ones that always seem to break 18.25 seconds into playing with them. The ones your kids go ballistic over if, heaven forbid, they find them in the trash.

We used to have a dining table in here. Can you spot our china cabinet?

And the more kids you have, the more bins and baskets and buckets and shelving units to hold said bins and baskets and buckets you’ll be buying to shove their toys in to. (Thank you, Ikea!) At first you’ll probably have some type of sorting system for the toys. You’ll want all of the plastic food to stay with the play kitchen, the gazillion trains and cars to stay together, and all of Barbie’s effing little shoes and accessories in one place so that when your kid is looking for things you know where to find them, hopefully avoiding an epic meltdown. (“Mooooooooom-mmy, where is my blue car?! I need my blue car! Not that blue car, the other blue car!” WTF?)

But eventually you’ll give up and just start throwing things in whatever container has even a smidge of free space. “You will fit in there!” Don’t feel bad about this. Just surrender; your sanity will thank you, and it’ll be so much easier in the long run. Plus, once you let go, you’ll find you’ll have more time to worry about other pressing issues. Like why the hell your one eye keeps twitching like that.

#4: Kids Are Moochers

When it comes to eating, kids typically fall into two categories — 1) those that eat anything and everything, and 2) those that eat hardly anything. If you have more than one kid, you may even get lucky and have both! Or your kid may fall into one category one month, day, or second and fall into the second category another. (Actually, you can pretty much count on this.) This makes for fun meal planning, I can assure you. *eyes rolling*

Regardless of which camp they fall into, all bets are off when they see you with food. They are going to want to cozy up to you and “share” whatever it is that you are eating. ”Can I have a bite? Can I have a bite? Can I have a bite? Just one teeny bite?” For the love of Pete! And it won’t even matter what it is that you are eating. “Begetables, mmmmm, I lub begetables!” “Fish, I lub fish!” “Spicy, mmmmm, I lub spicy.”

If you actually want to eat your meal in its entirety, you have two options. Option 1: If you know your kid likes the food you’re trying to enjoy, DO NOT GIVE IN. I mean it, do not give him or her even just one tiny bite. As much as they say they understand that they will only get one bite and that’s going to be it, they’re lying. Always. Option 2:If you know your kid does not like the food you’re trying to enjoy, do the opposite of what I recommend in Option 1–give him or her a heaping forkful to nosh on. When your kid realizes what you’re eating is just absolutely disgusting, he or she will likely spit it out, right back on your plate, no doubt, and then go find something else to do. Until he or she forgets and comes back begging for more approximately 5 seconds later.

Sadly, this was not staged.

So I guess you’re just better off going with Option 1 in all cases. Unless you want to avoid this scenario entirely and you hide out in the kitchen (or bedroom or bathroom even) so that you can scarf down your meal in peace!

And while I’ve focused on food here, please know that your kids’ mooching knows no bounds. You should probably plan to stock up on chap stick and deodorant and pens, too.

#5: Kids Don’t Sleep

When you want them to, that is. Everyone knows that new parents usually get very little sleep until their baby is sleeping through the night. (Those bags and dark circles under your eyes never completely go away, by the way.) What I’m talking about here are deviations from your kids “normal” sleep schedule once you think you have found a groove. Like when your kid usually naps in the morning from 10-12, has been for oh, say, the last 6 weeks, and then the day you actually have something planned while your kid is asleep (maybe a conference call for work or, more likely, your own nap) or something planned out of the house after your kid sleeps (say a doctor’s appointment or play date), your kid says, “F you, morning nap!”

You wanted to go where? Zzzzzzzzzzz.

This results in you either 1) having to cancel what you had planned to do when your kid was supposed to be asleep but is now awake and probably incredibly whiney and clingy or 2) having to cancel what you had planned for after your kid was supposed to be asleep because 1 minute prior to you having to walk out the door you’ll find your kid, coat and shoes on, slumped over on the couch, drooling, and fast asleep. And sorry if you had something planned both before and after the nap was supposed to take place. Your day is screwed.

It’s the same for morning wake up time. You can absolutely count on your kids sleeping in on the mornings you have to be somewhere at a certain time and then being up at the crack of dawn the mornings you could have actually slept in. It always happens this way. Until it doesn’t. And then you’ll have no idea when the hell you’re actually going to get any sleep because you have no idea when the hell your kids are going to sleep. They like to keep us on our toes like that.

I will tell you a secret, though: The one thing that absolutely doesn’t change with kids, the one constant, the one thing you can always, without a doubt predict . . . your kids will be unpredictable. Predictably unpredictable.

#6: Kids Are Needy

So. Very. Needy. I mean let’s be honest. A newborn can’t do shit. (Actually, that’s one of the things newborns can do quite well, but you know what I mean.) They need to be fed, burped, changed, bathed, rolled over, rolled back, rocked to sleep, picked up, put down, bounced, swaddled, swayed, shushed. Parents with newborns are like zombies for a reason. But we know this. Everyone warns new parents that the first few months will be hell.

But where was the warning that this neediness actually intensifies as your kids get older? You’re not just fulfilling basic human needs anymore; you’ve become a means to an end. ”Mommy, can you get me crackers?” “Daddy, I need my pink shirt with the purple polka dots.” “Mommy, where is that doll I was playing with the other day?” “Where’s my binky?” “Daddy, can you put a show on for us? Yeah that one. Oh no, not this one. The other one. Oh wait, the first one. Actually, where’s the one about the kid doing that thing with the other kid?” “Mommy, I’m thirsty, I need a drink!” “Come wipe my butt.” ”I wanna push the button!” ”I need a Band-Aid!” “Mommy, we want a different show.” “Daddy, Mommy said to get us a snack.” “Where’s my blanket?” “Daddy? Daddy? Daddy?” “Mammmmaaaaaaaaa!”

Yup, that about sums up the first 5 minutes the kids are awake each day. But the kicker with all of this neediness is the timing. It is a simple fact that your kids will never need anything while you are already up or even when you ask them point-blank if they need anything. Nope. They’ll suddenly need you right when you sit down to eat, or relax, or poop. Or the second you get in the shower or are otherwise in the middle of doing anything else but tending to them. When your kids are little, you can simply forget about being able to poop alone or take a relaxing shower while they are awake.

#7: Kids Are (Too) Honest

How’s that? Don’t we want to raise honest kids? you ask. Oh absolutely. Yes, we want our kids to fess up when they hit a sibling, or tell a lie, or eat the last of the ever-loving Girl Scout cookies that you won’t be able to get again for another year.

But until kids develop that internal filter that (most) adults have and learn that some things shouldn’t be said out loud, you’re going to be getting a whole lotta honesty you may not want. Some hypothetical (ahem) things you might hear include:

§  Your belly is squishy

§  Your legs are hairy

§  Your breath smells yucky

§  Your hair is greasy

§  Your legs are jiggly

§  You have a boogie in your nose

§  You stink

§  Your boobies are so big (“Big” is such a relative term, eh?)

Well, if you would leave me the frick alone for 20 effing minutes I might be able to do something about all that! (Oh, who am I kidding, you’ll probably need at least half a day to get all that shit under control. But alas, I refer you back to #6, so the likelihood that you’ll actually have even 5 minutes alone to do ANYTHING is slim to none.)

And don’t think your kids save all of this honesty just for you. You can be sure they will tell you just how hairy or stinky or big your waiter is one day when you are out to lunch. You will pretend you don’t hear anything. Your kid will repeat him- or herself louder and louder each time until you are forced to acknowledge the statement. You will start giving your kid “the look.” Your kid will not understand this look and think you haven’t heard what he or she is saying. Your kid will say it even louder. You will shush your kid. Your kid will get upset and repeat him- or herself again, this time while wailing. The waiter will have heard all of this.

#8: Kids Break Stuff

It’s inevitable. Your kids are going to break things. This is why you don’t buy kids expensive crap. $1 toys are easier to replace than rare antique collectibles. Even someone who knows nothing about kids will know this.

But kids don’t just break their stuff. There is no magic spell that excludes your stuff from being destroyed as well. Cell phones will be dropped in the toilet, eye glasses will be stepped on, couches will get colored on with permanent markers, lights will be left on in the car draining your battery, computer charging cords will get wrapped around the office chair and wound up so tightly from all the spinning that they’ll fray and eventually sever. And I don’t know any family with a complete set of dishes or glasses. Most of the destruction will be accidental, mind you, but that won’t make the replacements–should you decide to actually replace or repair your damaged goods–any cheaper.

#9: Kids Hurt Themselves. A Lot.

I knew kids got occasional booboos, but I had no idea just how often my kids would hurt themselves. It begins when they can start moving on their own and doesn’t seem to end. They roll into things, fall off things, trip over things, walk into things, choke on things, step on things. Kids are freaking clumsy. Or they often don’t know any better. And don’t get me started on all of the things they will do, intentionally and not, to hurt each other.

Thankfully, although you can absolutely count on your kids getting hurt, most of these injuries will be ones that can be fixed with kisses and a few (or 63) Band-Aids.

 

#10: Your Kids Are Worth All of It

You have no idea just how much you can love another person until you have kids. It is the fiercest, most intense love you can ever imagine. You will do everything in your power to protect your kids and see that they never come to harm because you helped to create this fragile life. You are responsible for this fragile life. You will understand what it means to be selfless. You will sacrifice for your child. You will do the best you can for your child. You would give your life for your child. You will understand that even though all of the other things are true, having someone to love and be loved unconditionally makes it all worth it.

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It's as if Mackenzie took the thoughts right out of my head! 

Bravo! 

Thank you! 

All shits and giggles aside - Mackenzie's right - you truly have no idea all that comes with having a child, until you have one.  I would also add that the same would apply to being pregnant and giving birth.  There is a long list of what you won’t quite understand until you experience it.  Stuff I wish I would’ve known about beforehand… Oh you know, like you won’t look like a supermodel after laboring for a bazillion hours, pushing for 4, sweating like a pig, gushing blood like the red sea, and throwing up on yourself… oh you know… all the shit they conveniently forget to tell you! To read more on all of that loveliness, check out my blog post here.

Mackenzie’s also right in that you won’t know just how much you can love another person until you have a child.  Until you are holding the little person who used to kick you in your tummy, the little person you would play music for to watch them jiggle around inside of you, or talk to and plan your life with - you won't know.  Until you meet the lil' booger that gave you endless heartburn, gas and caused you a tiring 72 hours of labor (no joke), you won't quite understand how maddening a child can make you. I'm not kidding - your love for this person can be borderline crazy. You'd do anything for this person - anything.  And no matter what they do in life, you will love them unconditionally.  They grew inside of you.  They look up at you and it's as if nothing in this world will ever be more important. At least, that's how it is for me.

You will face so many changes (yes, your life truly does change forever - it's not just cheesy advice), and that comes with its share of highs and lows. You'll have to make sacrifices, your finances will drive you bonkers (babies are expensive), you'll lose friendships, your social life will suck for awhile (we are just staring to get ours back after two years), your perspective on life, love and how you want to live it - all of it will change, in some way, once you bring a child into this world.

No one truly will get it like another parent, and I think especially like another mother. I feel very fortunate.  Parents or not, I'm blessed with a great circle of friends.  Some have children, some are trying, some have no desire to ever have any.  I think I find comfort in knowing that I'm surrounded by people in my life who are supportive, fun, and truly love my son.  After Elijah was born, my husband and I really discussed who we would want around him and the path we wish to lead him down.  That's that shift that occurs.  You never had to think about that before. You weren't responsible for someone else's life - and everything that happens to him will somehow be a direct result of your actions right now, in this moment.

That is definitely life changing. 

But like Mackenzie said, it will be the best thing that has ever happened to you. 
There is nothing that can compare. <3

Hope you enjoyed Mackenzie's 10 points as much as I did!

Me with my beautiful son, Elijah.

Kids love dirt! <3

He's such a good boy, always sharing! 

His smile is intoxicating! His laugh makes me melt! 

<3 #GoNiners