Elijah Turns Two!

When I was only five years old, we migrated from the Fiji Islands to California.  It was important for my parents that we remembered where we came from and always thought fondly of our roots.  So visiting Fiji yearly, if not every other year, was pretty much mandatory.  Not to shabby of a mandate, if you ask me.  I have the fondest memories growing up as a child. I got the best of both worlds - sunny, fun California - beautiful, chill Fiji.  Some of my fondest memories growing up in Fiji are of my nana packing all of us grand kids into a car and driving us up to Saveni beach - a local beach hangout.  All the parents would be following along in another car.  We would sing and laugh and make a trip out of the drive.  Once we got there, we had the beach pretty much to ourselves.  Saveni beach wasn't a tourist hangout.  There were a few bungalows for rent nearby, but for the most part, it was a beach mostly locals frolicked on.  When we went there for our family day trips - we'd tote along a pot of palau (indian food), corn on the cob, and blankets.  Life was simple. We didn't need much - just good food, close family and a lot of memories to be made.  I remember this time in my life very fondly.

Saveni Beach - a local beach hangout\

I wanted to recreate that for Elijah.  As he quickly goes from infancy to toddler hood, to ... I can't believe how fast he's growing. Sigh.  I want him to know that family always comes first.  That the best memories we'll make as a small family are close to home.  Because ultimately, home is always where your heart is.  Being in California, thousands of miles from Fiji, I am limited to taking him on day trips to Saveni beach, so instead I planned a day trip to Folsom Lake with close family to celebrate Elijah's 2nd birthday.

We had a blast! 

Avin, my husband, left early in the morning to make sure we snagged one of the best spots - under two large shady trees.  We had scoped this spot out with my brother a couple weeks earlier. ;)

We set up camp (day camp that is) - tables of food, drinks, sweet treats, and fun all sprawled out for the family.  I put together beach buckets for each of the kids instead of a traditional party favor.  Along with what it came with, I added big bottles of bubbles, and water guns.  We threw around beach balls and played in a beautiful semi-secluded sandy beach.  I'm glad we avoided some of the more commonly known beach areas at Folsom.  This location was great!

Here are some pictures of all of us hanging out for the day celebrating my beautiful son's 2nd birthday! xoxo

Driving up to Folsom Lake! Meeting Daddy who left early to get a good spot! 

The rest of the gang is on their way.
Check out my stylish nieces! Hahah, girls will be girls! 

                                     

Brother setting up our fun new raft! 

The kids were beyond excited out in the water!
Everyone was in a lifejacket  - safety first!

Elijah's cousins, Zeena and Sonia

Aji and Aja enjoying some grub. Muni Aunty is here too! 

My niece has a gorgeous smile!

So glad hubby rented a jet ski - everyone took turns and had a blast!
Definitely on our "we must purchase" list! 

Laila is such a lil' lady now!

Soni playing peek-a-boo in the shady shack!
We set up this area for naps :)

Nana with his grandkids - and furgrandchild, Harley!

Elijah and his cousin Sonia.
They are only 5 months apart and incredibly close!
One minute they are bff's and the next they are fighting! haha! 

Elijah chasing his eldest cousin, Laila.

Whenever my dad is around, Harley is by his side.
Grandpa and his furgrandchild! 

The kids had so much fun! 

My amazing brother and sister-in-law!
Our families are very close!
My brother and I have an unspoken rule, always keep the families close! 

Best sister I could ask for! She loves Elijah like he is her own.
She is his definitely his second mama!

Seeing that twinkle in my son's eyes as he sunk his cute toes into the sand and made sand castles was a great reminder - I am truly blessed. I have a great family, a beautiful son and a wonderful husband.  Making memories full of laughter and love is what life is all about! xoxo 

Dun Dun Daaaaah... Vaccinate!

I'm a firm believer in vaccinations in children.  Working with medical professionals, including some very well-renowned doctors here in Sacramento, Ca., and some in my own family, I know the risks of NOT vaccinating your child outweigh the risks of vaccinating them.  The worst are the claims that vaccinations cause autism.  This one irks me the most - because its a claim that has been spread like wildfire amongst moms seeking a more 'natural' philosophy in raising their children, or by those parents dealing with the difficulties of a child who has autism BUT the theory is based on a FALSE scientific study that was discredited and has since been retracted.  That's what annoys me the most - the theory has been scientifically discredited and retracted yet people still want believe in it. I guess facts, such as scientific backing, are not that important. I do understand how difficult it must be to have a child with autism and as a parent you may want to hang onto any glimmer of understanding as to why this happened to your child.  But I would hope if that were to happen to me, I could stick to the facts and not false theories.

Then there are the parents who believe that pumping their children with ingredients constructed through the Big Bad Pharmaceutical Company are so dangerous that they would rather fill their kids with vitamin C hoping it will fight off deadly diseases. Com'on. Really?

I understand it is a personal choice and the bottom line, parents on both sides of the spectrum, I feel, truly have the best interest of their child in mind.

That being said, I cannot reiterate the importance of vaccinations.  In fact, I won't... just read this. It's a no-bullshit-straight-to-the-point perspective on the importance of vaccinations, written by a doctor to all parents.

I love this part the most:

California recently endured the largest whooping cough outbreak in 65 years, sickening almost 9,500 people and killing 10 infants. So far this year, there have been more cases of measles in the United States than any year since 1996. This is not a harmless disease — 40% of people who get it need to be hospitalized. 

You may think your children seem just fine without their vaccinations, but that's because of a phenomenon called "herd immunity." Let's say you live in a neighborhood where every kid has been immunized except yours. There's hardly any chance little Billy will contract whooping cough when he's out with his buddies because all of them are immune. In essence, this is immunization-by-proxy, and it takes advantage of everyone else's immunity. Rather than taking the high ground, you're sponging off the other parents on the block who chose to do the responsible thing. If, on the other hand, all the parents behaved like you and Susie came down with whooping cough, it would spread like wildfire through the playground. 

You need to understand that your child does not live in a vacuum. He or she interacts with others everywhere. Unvaccinated children can be the vehicles for introducing deadly diseases into communities. Children with compromised immune systems who cannot be vaccinated are especially vulnerable.

Oh and this part: 

If you want an unbiased view, I can direct you to a whole bunch of people who would be happy to fill you in: our senior citizens. They lived with the fear of these dread diseases (one octogenarian told me his dad took a 1,000-mile detour around Chicago when he heard there was a polio outbreak there in the 1930s). They rallied around a president stricken with polio (for those who need a history refresher, it was Franklin D. Roosevelt). They lost children and other loved ones to the diseases you are so nonchalant about. These are the ones who line up for their annual flu shots and ask when they are due for any other immunizations they may need. Yes, they have a healthy respect for these diseases. I wish you could catch some of their fear.
Those of you who know me may recall that I used to be a veterinarian. Vaccination is hugely important in the animal world as well. You wouldn't dream of allowing your dog to skip his rabies shot, on the off chance that he gets into a tussle with an infected bat. All I am asking is that you treat your children as well as your pets. 

Now go vaccinate your child for heaven's sake.  By not doing so, you're not only putting YOUR child at risk of death, but other children at risk as well!

Perspective

I came across a video on Facebook today about a young man named Zach Sobiech.  Zach found out he had a rare form of terminal cancer at the ripe age of 14.  Instead of letting cancer beat him, he beat cancer, by living his life.  And he did it so beautifully. 

I dare you not to cry after watching Zach’s story.  I cried.  In fact, I sobbed.  To say Zach’s story moved me would be an understatement.  It really put many things into perspective for me. 

Life is so short.  We never know when our time is up.  We only know that we are here, for whatever undetermined amount of time.  And we know we have that time to live.  We can choose to live by doing things to harm and hurt others – to belittle and hate, to be angry and resentful, OR we can be happy.  We can spend our days making others smile and feel good. 

It’s our choice. 

I choose to be happy. 

And I am choosing to live my life making others happy. 

I want to watch my son grow into a beautiful young man and my family and dearest friends flourish with laughter and smiles. 

I know I am not perfect.  I know I have made many mistakes. But I also know that my intentions were never to maliciously harm anyone.  I have learned that life is a lesson – and we can learn so much, even through loss.  Instead of basking in my sorrows and hating myself for any mistakes I have made, I choose to live.  I choose to be happy and surround myself with those that want to be happy also.  Life is too short. 

I am not wasting another minute.  I choose to be happy. 

Thank you, Zach – for being a beautiful person and putting so much into perspective for the millions of people that have viewed your story.

To view Zach’s beautiful story, click here.

RIP Zach Sobiech - Died May 20, 2013

Fat to Fit

As I plan a small get-together for my son’s second birthday party in a week, I was looking through pictures of his 1^st birthday bash.  Boy, was that a great day! We had a Sesame Street theme party for him in our newly made over backyard, which included a jumping castle, Elmo visiting, a clown making balloon animals and singing and dancing along with the 30+ children ages 8 and under. I had activity stations including a table to color and draw, a tattoo parlor with cute fake tattoos, and other fun things for the kids to keep themselves busy.  Of course there was a nice lil’ candy buffet also.  It was a LOT of fun.  Elijah had a blast, and so did all the adults who attended, including my husband and I. 

Elijah dancing with his buddies while Elmo coordinates a sing-along :)

Elijah smashing his "smash" cake for his birthday!

As I was looking through pictures from that amazing day, I saw pictures of myself and I was a little bit taken aback.  Why had no one told me how fat I was?  Ha! Just kidding.  It would have been hurtful for someone to point that out, as a mom of a one year old.  Granted, being a “mom” is not an excuse for poor nutrition and exercise habits, it still would have been hurtful.  Thank you for NOT pointing out what I already knew – I was fat. 

Family photo with Elmo - I am 30+ pounds heavier here than I am today

I have struggled with weight most of my life – on and off. I've always been the "cute, chubby" one of my cousins, and most of my friends. In high school, I was a size 7-8 when most of the girls I knew were rockin' size zero's, two's and four's.  That was tough.  I didn't think I looked 'fat' and I was pretty active, but I sure did feel fat in a sea of students who looked like they could be my 8 year old sibling - I don't have an 8 year old sibling. My weight peaked during my pregnancy when I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes during my third-trimester. Asian women (this includes Indian women - such as myself) are susceptible to gestational diabetes simply because of the race specific traits carried in our genes. In those three months, I gained over 30 lbs. It was very difficult. Not only on my body, but emotionally.  After Elijah’s birth, I, like many moms, dropped a lot of weight through breastfeeding and just delivering a baby.  But alas, a year later, I was still far from my pre-pregnancy weight.  Thankfully, I have a great support system, which has constantly made me feel good about who I am and not made me feel bad for being overweight.  I have known I needed to lose weight – not just for my health, but because I wanted to look and feel good.  However, I just did not have the energy to fully commit.

You really have to commit to wanting something before you can really achieve it.  At least, I do. 

A few months after Elijah's 1st birthday, around September of 2012, I decided enough was enough.  I was tired of not being able to fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes and I was even more tired of buying BIGGER clothes.  It was time for a change.

I recalled my past - Cabbage soup diet. Tried it. Atkins. Tried it. Weight Watchers. Tried it. Sort of. Mostly I did them for a very short amount of time because I wanted quick results, and was discouraged when I didn't get them. I know that some of these may work for some people, but they didn't work for me. Although, I do think Weight Watchers is a great support system for people who need to lose weight, I also think if you have the drive, desire and commitment to lose weight, you don't have to pay a company $11 a week (or whatever it is now) to help you get there. Reluctantly, I can admit now that I've tried diet pills that I knew were dangerous for me. As soon as your heart starts racing to a point where you feel like you're going to pass out, you know you're not doing what's best for you.  And no matter how much I wanted to lose weight, I didn't want to die trying.  I want to be healthy - not skinny. Let's make that very clear.  I know my journey to get to my final goal weight/size will occur slowly (but surely) because I'm not making drastic changes. I'm not "dieting" and I'm not looking for a quick fix.  I realize that it took me years to put all this weight on, even though a large portion of it was during my pregnancy; therefore, it's going to take some time to take it off.  I also realize that it's detrimental to my health and well-being for me to continue this journey.  

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), some of the leading causes of death for Asian or Pacific Islander women in the 25-34 age group (I am 31) is cancer (22.3%), suicide (14.5%),  influenza & pneumonia (5.4%), heart disease (3.9%), and stroke (3.9%).  The numbers don't seem very daunting, but they only increase with age.  The leading causes of death for Asian or Pacific Islander women in the 65+ age group is heart disease (25.8%), cancer (22.3%), stroke (9.1%), and diabetes (4.2%).  Throw in your family health history and it really becomes an eye opener.

In January, I asked my primary care physician to conduct a full blood panel on me.  I wanted to see what deficiencies I had, and where I was at most risk.  Thankfully, I was given a great bill of health - especially after dropping a lot of weight in a short amount of time.  My blood pressure was excellent, my thyroid was regulated and I had no issues with blood sugar (diabetes), which I had during my pregnancy.  I still felt the need to get this done, because I had found out, through my parents, we had a long history of stroke, cancer, heart disease, and even cataracts in my family.

I do not want to die at the ripe age of 63 like my loving nana (mother's father) did in Fiji when I was only seven years old.  I do not want to die of ovarian cancer like my dadi (father's mom) did in her 70s, and I do not want to have two strokes in my early 50s like my father-in-law has.  I know these are risks that not only run in my own family history, but my husband's and every Indian family I know.

I do not want to be a statistic.  

I decided diets do not work, not for me anyway.  I do not want quick, temporary results.  I want a lifestyle change, and I want to set a good example for my son.  I do not want him to think that eating french fries is the end of the world, but I also do not want him to think that he could eat that way often and lead a healthy lifestyle.  So I began eating healthier foods and working out more consistently.  I have hit many roadblocks and fallen off track a few times where I will go two or three weeks without working out while eating like crap.  But by the end of that week I would feel completely disgusting. When you feel heavy, fat, and unhealthy it can really weigh on you. No pun intended. In all seriousness, my body has started to reject the 'bad' foods I consume, when I do, by the nausea and headaches that take over. That's a clear sign to me - don't put that crap in your body!

Now, I refuse to go more than 3 or 4 days without working out.  I just can’t.

Here I am... the picture on the left is on my son's 1^st birthday, May 2012.  The picture on the right is today, May 2013, one week before my son’s 2^nd birthday.  I am approximately 35 lbs lighter (I stopped getting on the scale so I lost track).  I have dropped three pants sizes, and many inches off my waste, arms and thighs.  My arms don’t look like thighs anymore!  Ha!  (You have to be able to laugh at yourself).  Subsequently, I have dropped my body fat percentage quite a bit and although I have a long way to go, I am excited for my progress!

I currently workout at least 3 days a week but more consistently and realistically, I work out 5-6 days a week.  This includes 30-60 minutes of cardio (depending on my schedule), and 3 days of toning and ab workouts.  I started going to boot camp, but then stopped for awhile, due to a hectic schedule (we're always busy on the weekends and it became tough to make it to the classes consistently), but I am going to try to go back very soon. I am also trying to get more into Yoga for my mental health and Pilate's for added toning.  But my main focus is CARDIO, CARDIO, CARDIO - and full body toning exercises.  I believe the HIIT routines work best for fat loss.  HIIT stands for High Intensity Interval Training.  Working out in the evening, after work, is tough for me. I pick up my son after work, get home before my husband is home, start dinner, and we begin the mad dash of the evening routine.  By the time Elijah is going down to sleep, I am exhausted. Definitely too exhausted to jump on a treadmill for an hour! Therefore, I decided the best thing for me to do was to go to bed around the same time Elijah goes to bed (he goes to bed around 8:30-9pm and I lay with him until I fall asleep around 9:30pm-10pm) so that I can wake up at 4:30am and work out for an hour before getting ready for work.  

This has worked wonders for me. I know early mornings aren't for everyone, but I have always been a morning person, so for me, training myself to wake up even earlier was hard but doable.

I have a long way to go, but I'm excited and determined to continue! There are tons of great free resources online, including on YouTube. Check them out! 

Follow my journey and feel free to ask any questions along the way! If you look through old posts, you'll find other 'progress reports' with tips as well as other posts of healthy meals and foods I make and buy :) 

I hope I can inspire others as so many have inspired me! 

Wish me luck! :)

Understanding Infertility, One Mother's Perspective

Last week, I wrote a blog post titled “Friendship vs. Infertility.” 

Today, I am editing that post. 

If you read my post last week, I am editing my original post for a few reasons.  For one, some people that actually know me well and know the context of my post may have thought I was going through a difficult time in my life right now based on some of the emotion they felt from my post.  This isn’t the case.  Secondly, I came off insensitive to some, including some who may have struggled or currently are struggling with infertility, and that was not my intention.  That being said, some people echoed my sentiments and I actually got some great feedback, even from women that have suffered through the painstaking process of infertility.  However, my intention is not to offend anyone, and if I did, I apologize.

Since I first posted “Friendship vs. Infertility,” I learned a lot about my own ignorance on the topic, as well as a lot about myself and the journey I am currently on in my life. 

I still firmly and fundamentally feel that people’s ‘feelings’ are valid and just because someone doesn’t perceive an issue the same as you may, it doesn’t make your feelings any less valid.  I am however going to address and reframe most of what I wrote with the understanding that some people will still perceive my post negatively and some will not.  I’ve come to terms with that. 

 _______________________________________________________________________________________

Friendship vs. Infertility 

Understanding Infertility, One Mother’s Perspective

Recently, I saw the words “I refuse to sink” and it immediately spoke to me.  Not because I’m going through a hard time in my life and feel like I’m sinking, but because in recent months, partially after I lost a friendship late last year, I began doing some cliché soul searching.  I wanted to explore what I was so angry about.  I wanted to figure out why I had so much anxiety leaving Elijah, my almost two-year-old son.  I wanted to spend quality time with the core people in my life – to surround myself with positivity, because obviously losing a friendship isn’t easy.  In my soul searching, I evaluated mistakes I made along the way, not just with friendships that dissipated, but in all aspects of my life.  I wanted to learn from them.  And I refused to sink because of them.  

 

I always knew, as a young girl, a few core things to be true – I wanted to graduate college, I wanted to have a career, and I wanted to be a mother.  That day finally came on my 29^th birthday.  I found out I was pregnant.  I sat in disbelief, after taking multiple tests, and cried.  My husband also cried.  We were surprised but so incredibly happy.  It turned out to the best surprise of our lives.  Being pregnant was an amazing experience and I won’t discredit the gratitude I have for being given this gift by complaining about all the woes you may already have heard about pregnancy.  Yes, it can suck at times, but overall, I can’t complain about what eventually gave me a beautiful and healthy son.  My son was born on our second wedding anniversary – May 23, 2011.  He was perfect but I went through a difficult labor and delivery that resulted in me losing an incredible amount of blood and my son being born breathless.  The long story short, after a week of being in the hospital, we were able to take him home.  And I quickly realized how he forever changed my life.

Something inside of me drastically shifted.  I had given birth to a beautiful little person who needed me more than anyone in the world.  I wanted nothing more to love and provide for him.  So I did.  I made a great many resolutions when Elijah was born – “I’ll take such good care of you!”, “I’ll keep you safe from harm!” – some were more specific, “I’ll breastfeed you for at least six months!”,” I promise to nurture you and give you unconditional love and affection!”

The birth of my first child was a momentous turning point in my life.

“Becoming someone’s mother meant that my role in the world had changed --I wasn't just the same old me trying to be a new, improved version. I was a mother, really and truly and forever, and the question was, what kind of person, what kind of mother, would be reflected in my child's eyes?" 

As a new mother, my thought processes shifted and I began focusing on what became a lengthy period of self-exploration and realization.  I sat and thought of all the things in the world I could do better, in turn setting a better example for my child.  I set goals of being healthier and fitter, and I made small and large changes to my lifestyle.  Things as simple as brushing my teeth at night again, because being lazy and skipping this crucial ritual to grab the bottle of Listerine isn’t setting a good example for my son  Some were larger changes – like cutting people out of my life I no longer felt were benefiting my growth, or influential in my son’s life. 

You fixate your life on being a better person, because it’s the natural progression of being a new parent.

As I grow as a parent, I want my son to think I’m a good person, and not just a good mother, but that I’m honest and honorable, and that the world is somehow a better place because I’m here. So I sit down and have conversations with my almost two-year-old about the beauty of the cultural and linguistic differences we share with our diverse friends and family. I know he doesn't really understand me at this point, but I've already started to instill my values upon him.  And his sweet smile and baby babble makes me feel like he actually does understand.  I give more to charity than I used to and I make more karmic decisions because I don’t want any bad ‘ju-ju’ to bite me, or my child, in the ass.  I sat down and really began to reevaluate my life.  I went from having an abundance of freedom and the ability to get up and go where I pleased, when I pleased to realizing how selfless and sacrificial I had to be in order to be the mother I wanted to be.  And I did just that.  

And I’m the happiest I have ever been in my life.

At the same time, I know that there are many women out there, at this very moment, crying tears of agony for losing another pregnancy while they undergo the painstaking process of infertility.  I know that while I share my joy, someone is wiping tears of grief.  I know that while I rock my son to sleep, another woman is agonizing to have that dream come true one day. It can’t be easy.  It must be excruciating.  I understand.  I may not have walked in your footsteps, but I have enough empathy in my heart, as a woman, and as a mother, to know what it is that you so desperately want and desire.  I understand, with deep sincerity. 

I have known seven women to battle infertility, personally, over the course of five years.  My experiences with each of these women were different, but it was incredibly emotional, frustrating and damaging with one in particular.  I realize now that the breakdown in our friendship wasn’t because of her infertility - it was because of us.  The lack of communication, the misunderstandings and the unwillingness to meet each other half way were ultimately what doomed our friendship.  This was an isolated incident.  An unfortunate incident – as losing a friendship often is – but nonetheless, it was isolated with many factors unrelated to infertility that eventually sealed the fate of two girl friends who once shared so many fond memories together.  I realize my mistakes in the communication failure, yet I also know that what happened with us isn’t a precursor to other friendships I have with women who battle infertility.   

I find solace in that.  I find solace in knowing that I may have failed in this friendship, but I am not a failure.  Life is a lesson.  And I’ve learned mine.

“The situation is like oil and water.  A woman’s inability to conceive is equivalent to that of a death or loss.  Nothing you could every say could lessen her pain; you just support them the best way you can.  And for parenthood, that is the most amazing thing humanly possible.  That being said, the two perspectives just don’t go together.  It’s like oil and water.  Only the strongest of relationships could withstand that type of dissonance” – Anonymous Friend

Being a new mother is challenging in its own retrospect and I think that needs to be acknowledged.  What I have found, in conversations with women battling infertility, and reading various publications, is that women who battle infertility are “constantly grieving the child they believe should be in their arms right now” and subsequently, infertility can be equivalent to death or loss.  Nothing I say could ever really lessen the pain a woman is going through in her journey to create life.  Nothing.  And while I should, as a good friend, support and listen to any friends I have struggling with infertility, I strongly believe that friendships are built on mutual respect, communication and trust.  When one or both people involved break that bond of mutual respect it becomes very difficult to relate to the other person. 

For many women, like myself, infertility is foreign ground. We haven’t had to deal with the painstaking process, and while we can research, review and try to understand the perspective of an ‘infertile,’ we don’t know the firsthand pain dealt with this great loss.  Society reminds us daily how to be good parents by nurturing and loving our children.  With the many messages we see on a daily basis, we are taught to provide our children with stability, substance, and surround them with loving, kind people. Society also does a great job in telling us, if we look, what we should NOT say to a woman who is having difficulty conceiving. What society does a shitty job at doing is telling us what TO SAY to a woman who is battling infertility.  Go ahead, Google it.  You’ll find more on what NOT TO SAY than the more resourceful information on what DO YOU SAY? 

This was an issue for me.  What do I say to a friend who is battling infertility when everything I say or do feels wrong and out of place, specifically coming from me, a mother.  What do you say when you feel like everything you're saying or doing is rebutted with "you'll never understand!" We continue to offer our support, an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, even if we know it won't be good enough.  We hide our joy for our babies and don't share as much as we otherwise would, not as a means to alientate our infertile friends, but because no mother wants to continue to contribute to the hurt a friend is feeling. 

When talking to other mom's who have had friends battle infertility, the consensus I've found is, "we're damned if we do, we're damned if we don't."  We have something 'infertiles' want.  Something they want more than anything in the world.  No amount of understanding and support will unconsciously take away that resentment and bitterness an 'infertile' may feel when seeing you with your child.  

It's like 'oil and water.'  

However, I have been doing my own research.  And in doing so, I came across several articles and posts.  Specifically, a blog titled A Blog about Love: Infertility and Friendships that I found had some helpful information in regards to what to say (or not say) to an infertile friend.  What I loved about this was there was also a piece of advice for infertile friends to take into account.  I didn't see that in any of the other articles or blogs I came across.  Again, society was reinforcing the lack of information on what to say to an infertile friend, at the same time providing little insight to 'infertiles' on what it must feel like being a friend trying to offer support.   

A Blog About Love was different and refreshing; here is a bit of what I took from it. (I copied and pasted the tips below - they are not my words)

Here are a few bits of advice for friends who are mothers or who are pregnant:

1.  Realize that women are at many different stages when facing infertility.  There often times are dark stages when women feel much despair and feel on the outside of society - even among friends and family.  Many women get through this time and come to a place of peace.  As a good friend, you could try to be sensitive to the stage one might be in at the time.  You could even ask them directly how they are doing and how much they'd like to talk about what they are facing.

2.  Try not to judge.  An infertile friend might be acting in ways she normally wouldn't (she also may be drugged with hormones).  She may need your patience.

3.  If you are pregnant or a mother - include your infertile friends in conversations that you would naturally want to have with a friend and see how it goes.  Personally, I prefer that friends don't have to walk on eggshells around me.  And as a woman who would love to have kids, I love getting the scoop on motherhood from my friends and often initiate those conversations.  But, if that normal conversation doesn't seem to be going well, you can ask your friend directly if she needs some space from talking about babies.

4.  Respect boundaries, if they arise.  Realize that though you may be very involved in many conversations about her treatments and even dates for big days, there may come a time when you get an abrupt silent treatment and you may feel as though you're no longer privy to the info. Any more.  Most likely, your friend is pregnant.  Or had a miscarriage.  Either way, give it a wee bit of time and play the dance.  Hold back the infertility questions if your friend has pulled back.  Though I'm sure anyone would appreciate someone just checking-in periodically to see how they're doing.

5.  Include your friends in your kids' lives.  I absolutely adore my friends' kids.  But their parents are so sweet and include me in their kids' lives.  It has been such a sweet and generous offer - one of the most beautiful I have ever experienced. 

And here are some bits of advice for infertile friends:

1.  Try not take offense.  May I kindly suggest that most people have good intentions (though their words may come out wrong in the moment when they are nervous about how to act or what to say to a friend who is infertile or they simply do not have the knowledge or experience.)  Also, in many cases, I've noticed that some infertile women take offense to comments by people who don't even know the situation.  I think it's unfair to blame them.  As in all situations in life, taking offense harms you more than it harms another person.

2.  Do not hold a friend's pregnancy or motherhood against them.  There is a huge opportunity here to learn how to replace your jealousy and pain with real love for your friends.  Being able to extend genuine congratulations, happiness and excitement to your pregnant friend is a big deal...but it's possible and worth shooting for.

3.  Look on the bright side of knowing some mothers and pregnant women.  There's a lot to learn (I have learned sooo much!)  Plus, you'll want all those connections someday if you have a child.

4.  Communicate with your friends, as soon as you feel the time is right.  Most women I know have had an immense burden relieved when they have let their closest friends and family know that they are facing infertility.  I highly recommend it.  Also, along the way, feel free to directly tell people if you need some space or if you prefer to not talk about things for a while.

5.  Try to remember that you aren't the only one facing a difficult time.  Your friends - though they have kids - actually may be facing something difficult in their lives and they may need your support, too.  Trials come in all shapes and sizes and they don't come to a halt when someone gets pregnant or has a baby.  In the end, we are all in it together - no matter what we are facing.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Through it all, I think it’s important for ALL of us – infertile or not – to remember that when it comes to friendship, WE ALL NEED AND WANT TO BE SUPPORTED, ENCOURAGED AND LOVED (refer to number 5 above).  The friend who just became a new mom, she needs support, encouragement and love.  The friend who is battling infertility, she needs support, encouragement and love.  The friend who just lost her mother to breast cancer, she needs support, encouragement and love.  The friend that is going through med-school, she needs support, encouragement and love.  

We ALL need support, encouragement, and love in our lives. 

That being said... 

To the mommies-in-waiting:

You are seen.  I know you are hurting. I know you are sad. I know you are jealous, angry and envious, even if you won’t admit it, and yet you are hopeful and thankful at the same time.  I know this.  I read recently that a “mother becomes a mother long before she holds a child in her arms. From the moment you hope to bring life into this world, you are different. Those dreams change you for the better even when it doesn’t always feel like it.”  Hang in there, mommies-in-waiting! Your day will come and you will be amazing mothers!

To the new moms:

You are seen too.  Being a new mother is challenging.  The sleepless nights, fluctuations in hormones, juggling what feels like a zoo and circus intermingling… it can all be very exhausting.  Hang in there! You are doing an amazing job! You are doing the best you can! Find solace knowing that there is a little person out there who loves you more than you know.  And know that your every nurturing move is building him to become an amazing person. 

Peace and Love,

Naz

DIY - Home Renovations Continue

One of the funnest things about owning your own home is decorating and DIY home renovations, in my opinion.  They can be tiresome to do, but so incredibly rewarding. Especially when you stand back and look at what you may also have designed, and definitely created!

Elijah was born a week after we moved into our first house, so he had little time or money for much else but baby mode.  Initially, while Elijah was only a couple weeks old, my husband and immediate family helped get some intro painting done around the house. A year later, we started finally doing more, and two years later, we finally are closer to actually decorating our home while making more changes.  Our home is pretty new (built in 2005) but needs some updating. We were lucky to have bought the home with nice hardwood floors. But the kitchen cabinet color is too light for my taste- oak or maple, I think. Staining them is our next big DIY project that we will be working on in a couple weeks. Stay tuned for that post!

In the meantime, we painted most of our house.  We started with our family room and kitchen and finally painted the the formal side of our house and hallways. We keep a pool table in our formal living room and don't have a formal dining table of our own in our formal dining room yet.  When we initially painted our kitchen, it was a lighter shade of green, but I ended up not liking it after I painted the formal side of our home a deep red and light brown/tan color.  The kitchen is now painted a complimenting shade of brown/tan as other parts of the house.

I can't wait to finish the rest of the house - guest bedroom, office, master bedroom and bathrooms.  But those projects will be in a few months. I'm mostly interested in finishing the formal side of our house so I can start to decorate, finally! I can't believe we've lived in our house for 2 years and still haven't hung up pictures! A testament to how anal I am and how I want things planned out rather than moved around here and there. 

I have a bazillion ideas and projects twirling around in my head. Many of them I've pinned on pinterest.  Follow me here!  I lose sleep thinking about it. While they sleep, I surf the Internet looking for more ideas, online shopping, and planning! Decorating for me is like a child going to disneyland.  In my secret life I would've gone to fashion/interior design school and had my own home show on HGTV or the DIY Network.  In my other life I suppose.

Here is some of our progress: 

This is the view of the inside of our house from the front door.  Here you are looking down the hallway from the front door.  To the left, through the openings, is the formal living room and dining rooms.  Straight ahead, you can see the light green in our kitchen that I ended up changing to the same shade of brown above the red that you can see here on the left.  The kitchen turned out much nicer and not so "Christmasy" once I added the deep red and got rid of the green!  The lighting in this picture isn't the best to show the shade of brown that is actually in this hallway.  It looks like it has a yellow-tone in this picture, but it doesn't - that's just the lighting.  You can see in this picture that our house is barely furnished two years later.  Mostly because the things I want are expensive and one of the great joys of homeownership, unless you've got unlimited funds, is to decorate here and there on a budget.  "Great joys" in that last sentence was used with sarcasm. Of course I wish I could do everything all at once! But I'm grateful for what I have and I do what I can when I can. 

This picture is the same hallway but from the other end of the previous picture, standing in the opening before the once green painted kitchen and look at the front door.  You can clearly see the deep red panels I painted in the inlets of our hallway, which is the same deep red I used in the adjacent formal living and dining rooms on the bottom half of those walls.  You can see that a little bit in the previous picture and clearly in the next picture.  I love this deep red - I think it was called Ruby Red.  We got it from Home Depot. It looks much prettier in person than in this lighting.  Honestly.  We get compliments all the time about our bold pop of color! 

The red inlets are reserved for projects I have in mind.  In the large red inlet nearest you when viewing this picture, I am going to add a wall collage.  I'm so excited about it too! I've started slowly collecting different frames, and pieces of art for it! I've also been keeping an eye out for a bench to add in front of my wall collage and large vases as accents on each (or one) side of the bench I plan on purchasing.  

My pinspiration has been the following:

Lastly, here is a picture of the formal living and dining rooms (As I mentioned previously, we keep a pool table in our formal living room) - we figure we're young, fun and like to entertain. We'd get more use out of a fun place to play pool and hang with friends than a formal sitting area at this point in our lives :) 

Sorry the picture quality is kind of shitty.  But as you can see, we painted a pretty brown shade on the top half of these joining rooms and seperated it with a chair rail.  Chair rails, like crown molding, require precision mitter cuts.  Do your research, and get help if you try to do something similar! In general, it's a total DIY project that can be easily done and adds a TON of character to your space! We LOVE the result! 

Don't mind the ladder, and hand-me-down dining table.  That table is not staying. I actually have my eye on a  dining table more suited to our taste for this space.  Also, the shade of brown here is the same one we replaced the green with in the kitchen.  

I can't wait until everything is done in these rooms, and the adjoining hallway! I'm ordering faux silk curtains in a matching shade of deep red for these rooms; our friend is working on a beautiful painting for us to go on the large wall parallel to the pool table; I'm buying an upright piano to go against one of the walls, and hanging pictures, art and instruments.  It's going to be lovely once it's complete and a total reflection of who we are! 

Stay tuned for updates and additonal home reno projects - including our DIY Kitchen Cabinets Makeover (we're staining them)!!! 

Healthy Eating

I've been trying to eat healthy & prepare more meals at home.
I kinda fell off track with my Sunday meal prepping, which when I do, I cook enough to last mid-week at a minimum.
Although I've slacked off a bit on meal prepping, I am trying to get back into.
I know for me, weight loss is going to be slow and steady.
And I've made peace with that.
I am not looking to diet - I have to keep reminding myself that.
I want to make a lifestyle change, which means I want to be able to enjoy foods and drinks as long as I understand what I want in the long run: to live a healthy and happy life.  

In between meal prepping, I tried out some yummy, healthy recipes. Some meals I just whipped together myself using healthy ingredients I had around the kitchen. I like to cook like that - a dash of this, a pinch of that.  I often tweak recipes with a lil' this and a lil' that.

Here are a few things I tried over the last couple of weeks: 

Garlic Cajun Shrimp

I whipped this together with a few things I had in the fridge! 

Here's what you'll need

• Shrimp (I like to get shelled shrimp and peel some of the shells off & leave some as is). I used about a pound. 
• 1 Sliced Onion
• 1 Red or green bell peppers (I used one large red bell pepper sliced) 
• 1 Squash or zucchini (I used 1 medium sized green squash sliced)
• Minced garlic (We use garlic everyday, so we mince a lot and put it into a glass jar in our fridge.  We often mince red peppers into the blender with the garlic - but not too much or it's too spicy for Elijah) 
• Cajun seasoning. (I used Old Bay's Seasoning.  It's one of my favorites!)
• Sea Salt

Here's what you do! 

In a large pan, heat some oil (I often use canola, sunflower or olive oil).  Once oil is nice and warm, add sliced onions to lightly brown. Once lightly browned, add minced garlic and stir together.  Everything at this point will be added simultaneously. Shrimp cooks VERY fast so you don't want to waste too much time in between adding the shrimp and veggies or your shrimp will shrivel up and your veggies will be mushy.  Add all the shrimp, bell pepper, squash or zucchini into the pan.  Stir.  Sprinkle cajun seasoning on top of everything. Stir somemore.  Sprinkle sea salt on top of everything. Stir again.  Put heat to medium-low and let it simmer and cook.  Check back in 5 minutes and stir again.  It'll be nearing done at about 10 minutes.  But watch it closely during that time.  

And VOILA! You have a delish, healthy and quick meal for dinner! 

This can be eaten with so much! Whole wheat pasta (or spaghetti squash), brown rice, quinoa, or alone! We ate ours with a side of brown rice and corn on the cob - which I boiled and put a lil' bit of real butter on.

This was a HIT in my house.  Elijah ate this up so quickly! He loves shrimp and definitely loved this recipe :)

Banana Granola Honey Nut Muffins

It was a nice weekend to be home.  The weather was pretty Saturday morning on May 4th.  I felt like baking something, and noticed we had a few oh-too-ripe bananas laying around PLUS, I had just bought muffin pans (FINALLY) so that I could make turkey meat balls in them as part of my meal prepping. 

SIDENOTE: A friend of mine posts her healthy and clean eating recipes, amongst other things, and I got the idea from her to make meat balls as your protein for your work-week prepped meals.  Instead of eating a three ounce portion of chicken breast, you could have two or three meat balls (depending on the size) and mix it up a bit!  

With my newly purchased muffin pans, and ripe bananas in the kitchen, I decided to whip up a breakfast muffin with what I had laying around! Plus, I don't know about you, but I LOVE muffins.  The problem is, they are often very high in hidden calories, which is why I rarely every buy one. Why not make them so you can control what's in them (and subsequently how many calories are in them)!

**I did not feel like getting dressed and to the store for healthier alternatives in some instances, although I will for the next time I make these delicious treats!**

What I used:

• Two ripe bananas smashed. 
• Granola (I actually used Cashew Clusters with almonds and pumpkin seeds from Costco - they are a DELISH snack and also yummy to add to recipes)! I used a handful that I broke up into small chunks. 
• Honey (whatever your preference is - I use an organic honey from Sprouts) 
• All Purpose Flour (It's what we had)
• 2 tbsp's Baking Powder 
• 2 tbsp's butter (I used I Can't Believe It's Not Butter). 
• 1 cup white suger (I know, I know - bad Naz!) 
• Pinch of sea salt
• 1 egg (or egg whites) 

What I'll be using next time:

• All Purpose Flour - Next time, I'm going to buy a whole wheat or gluten free flour for this recipe and make it healthier. Muffins can be dangerously high in calories if you're not careful with healthy substitutes! 
• So I splurged with the white sugar the last time I made these yummy muffins.  I justified this because I hardly ever eat muffins (or anything sweet). BUT, next time, I will use far less sugar and instead use brown sugar or agave nectar.  

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Spray muffin tins with non-stick cooking spray. 
2. In a large bowl, beat egg, and stir in smashed bananas, sugar, and butter. 
3. Add flour, baking powder and salt.  Stirring just until combined. Stir in granola. Fill muffin pan cups 2/3 full.
4. Bake for about 20 to 25 minutes, or until tops are lightly browned. Check center of muffins with toothpick! No batter should stick to your tooth pick when you pull it out! 
5. Remove muffins from pan and enjoy! 

Meal Prepping

In an effort to get on track with my health & fitness goals, I have been off and on meal prepping - preparing enough food on Sundays (or Mondays) to last through the middle or end of the work week.  My staple (because it's easy, healthy and tastes good) is baked chicken, a veggie side, and black beans.  

This Monday, I decided to be a little more flavorful in my staple prepped meal.  I seasoned the baked chicken as I usually do - lightly marinated in minced garlic, sea salt, and sprinkled with Italian & Lemon Pepper seasoning.  I baked it for 30 minutes at 350 degrees.  Then I made my black beans on the stovetop like usual (in a little canola or olive oil, with grilled onions), but this time I decided to add turkey chili and give it a black bean chili twist.  Still healthy & tastes delish! I did cheat and just use a can of low calorie, low sodium turkey chili though - nothing fancy!  Then I grilled up some kale with minced garlic and onions seasoned with a little sea salt and lemon pepper.  

Everything turned out delish and will last us through Wednesday or Thursday for dinner! I made a little extra chicken to cut up into our salads for lunch too! 

Other Great Finds

Here are a few other great food finds I wanted to share with you!

Hemp Hearts: Raw Shelled Hemp Seeds. To learn more about the benefits of Hemp Hearts, go here. I bought these at Sprouts and like to sprinkle some onto my oatmeal. You can use them in pretty much anything! They don't have much of a taste, but are packed with nutrition! 

                                                                                                                                      Cashew Clusters.   I used these in my Banana Granola Honey Nut Muffins recipe above, and bought them at Costco! They are a delish healthy snack! But they are addicting, so I pack 4 or 5 pieces only in a zip lock bag and take it to work, otherwise I would eat way more than I should. They're that good! 

Lastly, for now... 

Brown Rice Protein Powder.  I bought this at Sprouts in my attempt to move away from Whey protein powder (i.e.: My Muscle Milk Protein Powder that I have been using for a long time).  It was kind of expensive, in my opinion, but the more affordable one out of the various brown rice protein powders they had. From my research, whey is actually not that great for you, especially for women.  I'm not going to try to sway you one way or the other - do your own research before deciding on a protein powder for yourself. I am by NO means, a doctor. 

I liked this Brown Rice Protein Powder (picture above) - Chocolate Protein Energizer, but am more interested in an Organic, Gluten-Free, Raw, Vegan, Non-GMO, Kosher, Non-Fat, Low in Sodium, and Free of Sugar, Dairy, Lactose, Cholesterol, Soy, Corn, Wheat and Allergens protein powder, which I found through the Tone It Up (TIU) personal trainers I follow.  Unfortunately, it is always out of stock or on back order.  I saw that it was in stock just today, so I'm going to order some asap! To learn more about Perfect Fit Protein Powder from the TIU Fitness Trainers I follow, please visit here: Perfect Fit Protein Powder. On a side note, the TIU Trainers are amazing! They post fitness videos you can follow on their website or youtube for FREE.  You can go at your own pace, at home - and the results from their amazing moves are no joke! Check them out on youtube here: Tone It Up!

You're not a terrible parent.

I think I've known I wanted to be a mother, pretty much all my life.  I've always wanted two or three children.  I've always known I would be fully involved and eventually become a working soccer mom. I've always loved the idea of being an involved parent or "soccer mom."  Someone who knows her children's friends, participates in their extracurricular activities, and is a part of their daily life.  These are things I look forward to as my son grows up and we plan on other children.

Currently, we have one - an almost two year old boy.  I enjoy spending time with my son; watching him grow, seeing him evolve.  It's all very interesting (he does something new every day!), and rewarding.  It can also be very tiresome.  Although I feel pretty lucky to have a healthy, happy, usually obedient toddler - sometimes, he can be exhausting.

After a long, fun, and tiring family filled weekend, I'm back to work.  Sometimes work seems like the place you go to take a break.  And I guess in some ways, it is.  While 'taking a break' from home life, I came across a great article titled To parents of small children: Let me be the one who says it out loud.  In the article, a Pastor talks about this experience with his three small boys. The best part is when he says: 

Let me be the one who says the following things out loud: 

You are not a terrible parent if you can’t figure out a way for your children to eat as healthy as your friend’s children do. She’s obviously using a bizarre and probably illegal form of hypnotism. 

You are not a terrible parent if you yell at your kids sometimes. You have little dictators living in your house. If someone else talked to you like that, they’d be put in prison. 

You are not a terrible parent if you can’t figure out how to calmly give them appropriate consequences in real time for every single act of terrorism that they so creatively devise. 

You are not a terrible parent if you’d rather be at work. 

You are not a terrible parent if you just can’t wait for them to go to bed. 

You are not a terrible parent if the sound of their voices sometimes makes you want to drink and never stop. 

You’re not a terrible parent.

Oh how I can relate! Those slobbery kisses, that infectious laugh, all the endless hugs and cuddles - the "see ya mom!" and "I love you"'s never get old.  But the crying battles and tantrum fits can be exhausting.  Oh how I can relate.

I guess what was most powerful for me is knowing I'm not alone. I know I'm a good mom. A damn good mom.  I'm very involved in my son's life and I strongly believe in the nurturing parenting principles (lots of encouragement, praise and positive discipline).  I strongly believe in having respect when disciplining and expecting respect back.  But there are times when EVERY parent can't help but feel terrible for yelling at their child who just pulled on their last nerve.  Or the mom who feels guilty for wanting to go to work or looking forward to their child's bedtime (sometimes it's the ONLY time we have to unwind).  I know the moms (and dads) I know have been through this.  I also know they are trying their best.  And sometimes, that's all we can do.

At the park with our lil' one.
My husband snapped a photo of us sharing ice cream & laughs in the sunshine!