Reflections

I came home early today. I decided to not pick up my son early though. Instead, I went home and took a moment to myself. I went to the bathroom. Alone. With the door closed (and locked). No one was in there but me. As a mom, that's pretty rare. I sat outside, on my porch bench, and listened to the birds chirp and fly by. I heard neighborhood dogs bark, cars passing, and the breeze blowing. I could feel the chill from the crisp air circulating near the creek and onto my face.

Something was missing.

I couldn't see that beautiful smile, or hear that intoxicating laugh. My son was missing. I didn't pick him up early today. Instead I took a moment to myself. I had to practically force myself to do so, because every part of me wanted to be with Elijah.

Since Elijah was born, on May 23, 2011, I have not spent one night away from him. I think the longest I've been away from him is 10-12 hours, accounting a full work day and maybe running errands afterwards. He is constantly on my mind. Some may say I'm slightly obsessed. I can't say either way. I do know this; he's my son, he's young and he needs me and I personally (again, its my own personal stance) feel its really appropriate to leave him at such a young age. That's not to knock mothers who have left their children overnight at a young age. We're all different and we all have to do what works for us. Leaving him, at this age, doesn't work for me. So I try to make every point to be with him. I spend quality time with him, daily. I know how important it is for his growth and development. I also know being loved and loving others is an innate human instinct, and it feels good. So I love him openly, freely and unforgivably. He is a huge part of my entire universe.

I give kudos to moms all over the world, that love their children and give them unconditional love. Some of us work full time jobs and juggle a home life. We cook, we clean, we fold laundry, we give bathes, we read bedtime stories, we dance and play, all to enrich our child's life. Some don't work, and are able to stay home always with their children. Which technically is an unpaid full-time job. Both incredibly worthy of praise. I enjoy working. I can't say that I don't wonder what it is like to be a stay at home mom. Because I do. And for some time I wanted badly to stay at home. But for the best interest of my family, I work to provide for their well-being. My husband and I live in a duel income household. It's the way it is. We work hard for everything we have. I also enjoy empowering communities, locally, statewide and nationally. I enjoy the work I get paid to do.

I am incredibly grateful. I have so much to be grateful for and I feel humble.

I'm humbled to have a home to come home early to. I'm humbled that I have a beautiful family. My son whom is the bright sunshine in all my days. My husband who I am meeting all over again after 14 years together. Parents, brothers, sisters, cousins, nieces, and amazing friends, I'm grateful for them all.

I'm going to finish taking my moment. And then I'm going to get back to living a happy, healthy life.

I hope you all have an amazing day!